twilight parody
by KKDDXX
Summary: just a random twilight parody warning bella is rather weird.mike is gay. and jacobs gangster
1. BOB IS MY FRIEND!

Location: Renee's car

Renee: Bella you don't have to do this

Bella; Mom that is the only thing you have said to me since i decided i would like to live with Charlie in Forks were i may drown. In the rain.

KD: Bella we would only hope you could drown. It would be a dream come true for others.

Bella: AHHHH who are you. Are you the ... the ... the ... APPLE on the front cover of that book i seen when i was shopping for clothes to go to Forks, and i went into the book store because im so stupid i didnt know it was a book store. And for that reason i am a rebel.

KD: Be quiet !!!!

Bella; Look, Look, Look mom we're almost at the airport oh,my,gosh. ....Off. 

KD; you are easily amused arent you?

Bella; (makes weird airplane noises to which Renee is totally oblivious)

Renee; Oh, Look, Bella. We are here. OH, FOR HEAVENS SAKE. DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE GODDAMN CACTUS?

Bella; You know Bob is my friend.

Renee; I give up. Just get on the plane and be sure to phone me when you arrive so i can be sure i dont have to plan any funerals.

KD; I can assure you that will not happen.

Renee; Why?

KD; Because if it does i can't continue this story.

Renee; Smart child. I should have adopted you instead of her.

Bella; (stops making airplane noises) IM ADOPTED (cries)

KD; Yes you dont take after your dad with your 'Balance Problems' your just a naturally lost cause.

~~~~ outside Forks Airport ~~~~

Bella: OH MY GOSH, its raining NOOOOOOOOOO, IM GOING TO MELT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KD: Oh shut up and stop being so dramatic.

Charlie; Hi

Bella; Hi 

Charlie; Hows your mom?

Bella; she's fine.

Charlie; OH i got you a car

Bella; Oh, Joy.

KD: You are so enthusiastic arent you?

Bella; Yes, yes i am

Bella; what kind of car is it

charlie; well its not really a car

bella; its a carboard box isnt it?

charlie; erm no. Its a Chevy truck

bella; were did you find it?

charlie; do you remember billy black?

bella; no

KD; lies

charlie; Well he used to go fishing with us. He's in a wheelchair now and cant drive, so he gave me the truck

bella; AND IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG WHAT THE HELL AM I MENT TO DO!!??

charlie; no the thing runs great Jacob done a lot of work on it.

bella; (mumbles) oh jacob i remember his sisters rachel and rebecca. they bitches always thought their mud pies were better than mine but the truth is mines were always better. always

KD; you are such a weird child

charlie; bells why are you mumbling to yourself

bella; ITS A HABIT OK???

charlie; erm.... ok? (stops car)

bella; AHHHH GREEN its everywhere. HOLD ON ... green means ... ALIENS!!! (looks at truck) omg omg omg omg i LOVE it.

(in the house)

charlie; your room is upstairs like always

bella; YES YES YES bye bye mwahahahaha (leaves)

~~~~ Next day~~~~

bella; AHHH SCHOOL

KD; will you just shut up already you are too weird for my liking.

bella; ok ... what shall i wear to school ... what about ... BORING STUFF YAY YAY YAYYYY

KD; omg does she ever shut up

bella; (looks in the mirror) my skin is so pale. I COULD BE A VAMPIRE (does cat hissy thing)

KD; vamps do not do that

bella; yes they do!!

KD; stupid girl.

bella; omg what if i dont fit in. ive never had any friends.

KD; i wonder why?

bella; oh well (skips to the truck and starts it) oh how i love my truck. AHH PEOPLE. AHH SCHOOL.

KD; (sings) shut up and drive, drive, drive,

bella; (drives) i have the area in sight. i am about to enter the area. i have parked in the area. i am walking to the front office of the are-

KD; SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

bella; hello scary receptionist lady

SRL; hello dear

bella; (whispers) guess what?

SRL; what?

bella; im new

SRL; oh, isabella swan.

bella; NO ITS BELLA YOU IDIOT.

SRL; oh erm ... im sorry dear. heres your map and classes

bella; i have never been so insulted in all my life (takes map) GOODBYE

KD; that was not nice

bella; 

KD; whats the first class i must endure with you today

bella; ENGLISH!! (enters classroom) ...gaze. Hello sir

mr mason; its mr mason

bella; well mr mason (hands over slip)

mr; mason; go sit somewhere

bella; (sits)

eric; (trying to act cool) s'up?

bella; why are you trying to act cool when you clearly arent.

eric; (silent)

(bell rings)

eric; whats your next class

bella; government building 6

eric; im headed for building 4 i could show you the way

bella; theres a reason they give you a map

eric; erm ok never mind then (walks away)

~~~~ lunch time~~~~

jessica; blah blah blah blah ...

bella; why dont you just shut up

jessica; what?

bella; nothing (sits at a table with jessica and her friends)

bella; (in head) these people are weirdos look at the guy with the spiky blonde hair who keeps looking at me TAKE A PICTURE IT WILL LAST LONGER!!!! ... omg who are they!!??? (out loud) jessica? who are they?

jessica; (giggles)

bella; hurry up and tell me!!

jessica; they are the cullens. the big one with(dreamy voice) ... lots and lots ... and lots of muscles is emmett the hot blonde emo guy is jasper. (normal voice) and the blonde girl is rosalie and the little dark haird girl is alice jasper and alice are together and rosalie and emmett are together. (edward walks in)

bella; (looks like shes going to eat him) who is that gorgeous motherfucker

jessica; edward cullen. hes single as far i know i could change that

bella; yeah if you do something with that hair (bell rings)

KD; whats next bella?

bella; biology

(in the classroom) bella; omg omg omg BREATH there he is. (gives teacher slip and teacher tells her to sit next to edward)

bella; (sits)

edward; (acts like he smells something disgusting)

bella; (sad face) (hides) (bell rings)

edward; (runs away)

KD; hahaha

mike; hi

KD; Oh god here we go

bella; (sighs) hi what do you want?

mike; do you need help finding you next class?

bella; no, not from you

~~~~ after p.e~~~~

bella; Lalala going to hand my slip back lalala OMG EDWARD

edward; pleeaasseee let me switch classes i cant handle it

SRL; im sorry you'll just have to stick with biology

edwardl (whiney voice) fiiinnnneee (leaves)

bella; (hands slip over)

SRL; how did your day go dear?

bella; freeking awesome how do you think it went? (drives home)


	2. EW MIKE AND ERIC!

bella; i dont wanna go to school!!!

KD; you are going to school weather you like it or not.

bella; fine. OMG ITS A MIRICLE!!

KD; WHAT WHAT WHAT?

bella; its not raining!!!

KD; that is a miricle.

bella; see im smarticle sometimes too

KD; is smarticle a word bella?

bella; yes

KD; bad bella go and sit in your emo chair!!

bella; no we shall be late for school!!

~~~~ in english~~~~

mike; (sits next to bella)

bella; why in the name of robert and taylor and you sitting here

mike; because?

bella; oh fine

KD; does mike look gay to you?

bella; a little bit

mike; so bel-

bella; are you gay?

mike; no?

bella; who have you kissed

mike; t-thats besides the point

bella; was it eric

mike; yes i mean NO

mr. mason; Mr. Newton would you like to explain to the rest of the class what you are shouting about

mike; erm .. well bella asked if i was gay

class; (groans) not again

mr. mason; settle down class i know this is the 3rd time this week

mike; and she asked if i kissed eric

eric; YOU DIDNT LET OUR SECRET OUT DID YOU!!??

everybody except mike and eric; GASP!!!

~~~~ lunch ~~~~

bella; were is edward?

KD; i dont know bella i do not stalk him

bella; (cries) its all my fault!!! (bell rings)

KD; biology time

bella; maybe he will be in biology (runs to biology)

KD; false hope -sighs-

~~~~ back home~~~~

bella; im hungry and charlie cant cook!!

KD; well get your lazy ass to thriftway and buy ingredients and COOK something

bella; fine (gets money and starts truck)

bella; (stops truck) is that his brother and sister. is it is it is it?

KD; yes it is

bella; do you think he's with them ?

KD; i doubt it he can probably smell you hahaha

bella; that was not even funny

~~~~ back home~~~~

bella; ok i have - with the help of a cooking manuel - marinated steak. now to check my e-mails

KD; oh yay

bella; three from mother (types away)

KD; whats that smell?

bella; -sniffs- oh no i forgot about the potatoes!!! (rescues the potatoes)

~~~ later when charlie returns~~~

charlie; what is that smell?

bella; the potatoes?

charlie; you burned them didnt you?

bella; YOU COULD AT LEAST BE SUPPORTIVE!!! (runsaway)

charlie; BELLA ARENT YOU GOING TO EAT?

bella; (returns) oh yeah

charlie; so hows school?

KD; she loves edward

bella; SHUT UP!! do you know the cullens

charlie; yeah doctor cullen is the best doctor in the hospital

bella; they kids seem to keep to themselves

charlie; HOW DARE YOU INSULT THE CULLENS THEY ARE GOOD PEOPLE ... blah blah blah

bella; contain yourself dear father

charlie; yes , i dont know what came over me ill just go whatch the game goodbye

~~~ sometime in school after english~~~~

mike; wow its snowing ( amazed face)

bella; yes mike snow. and its not fake either

mike; snow is amazing i love it

bella; snow is just ew

KD; agreed snow is the worst

mike how can you hate snow its like ...

bella; kissing eric?

mike; NO GOODBYE (leaves)

bella; weird child

mike; (comes back) ill see you at lunch bye bye bye bye (skips away)

KD; definatley gay

~~~~ lunch~~~~

bella; (in head) omg omg omg omg omg omg omg its ... its ... its EDWARD AHHHH

KD; yes he is allowed to come to school you know

bella; im so happy ... no hes so happy look hes laughing (stares in amazment)

KD; bella ... bella!! ... BELLA HELLO!!

bella; (dreamy voice) yes

KD; table NOW

bella; yes miss (proceeds to a table and does nothing but watch edward)

KD; obsession (bell rings)

bella;omg BIOLGY (runs to biology)

KD; sigh

bella; (sits at table crying) hes not here

KD; shut up and get a grip

bella; yes im strong and inde-

KD; no really shut up

bella; (shuts up)

edward; hello

bella; (in head) ome ome ome hes here yayyyyyy

bella (out loud) hi

edward; edward cullen ... your isabella swan

KD; i vote we call him edweirdo cullen

bella; (in head) no (out loud) yes how did you know?

edward; the whole town knows

bella; evil father of mine

edward; (gives bella weird look)

mr. Banner; ok (blah blah blah) you shall be working with the person next to you

bella; (in head) omg i get to work with edward my dream has come true!!!

edward; do you want to go first

bella; yes (looks in microscope) its erm

edward; Prophase

bella; yes that

edward; (takes microscope) anaphase

bella; i wanna look i wanna look

edward; erm ok

bella ; (snatches microscope) not fair your right

edward; erm ... (a few minutes later)

bella; do you wear contacts?

edward; why are you so random? and no

bella; your ayes are gold or something and the last time they were black?

edward; erm (uses dazzling power untill the bell goes then runs away)

mike; cullen was nice then?

bella; (dreamy voice) yes

mike; well bye

bella; bye you gay racist hobofied leprecon !!


	3. I Swear If He Doesn't Stop Apologising!

bella; OMG its another miricle!!!

KD; yes?

bella; no fog yayy- wait omg theres snow everywhere!!

KD; noooo anything but the snow

bella i agree (sits in silence)

~~~~ 10 minutes later ~~~~

bella; WE MUST GO TO SCHOOL NOW!!!

KD; oh yeah your obsession. im surprised you havent started stalking him

bella; YES (runs outside and slips) ahhhhh that hurt a lot

KD; well you would take your obsession more seriously than your safety

bella; (starts truck crying)

KD; JUST DRIVE

bella; im scared

KD; OF WHAT !!

bella; to drive. the road is slippy

KD; just go!!!

~~~~ in the school parking lot bella is hiding behide the truck~~~~

KD; bella why are you hiding?

bella; in case mike or eric come !!

KD; they arent here you know

bella; (pops up) oh ok (big screechy noise)

Bella; AHHHHHHH BIG CAR GONNA HIT ME

KD; NOOOO I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO CONTINUE AFTER THIS !!!

bella; (dazzeled by edwards hotness) (comes back to the present time) oh AHHHH

~~~~screams for like 10 minutes until she realises edward has saved her~~~~

hobo; oh i think i just almost witnessed some one getting crushed!!

KD; hobo what is your name

hobo; fraser

KD; ok fraser GO AWAY

fraser; its not my fault my mummy didnt love me (runs away)

randomer; SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULENCE

edward; bella are you ok???

bella; i think so i thought it was gonna get me !!

edward; your ok but

bella; YES IM OK oww my head

paramedic; ok on the stretcher

bella; NOO THE HUMILIATION NOOOO

KD; oh calm down

~~~~ in the hospital~~~~

bella; i am so embarresed

KD; so was i. you wouldnt stop screaming

bella; dont remind me (edward appears)

edward; are you ok bella?

bella; yes IM fine does nobody care about poor tyler who has been apologising to me for like half an hour and is giving me an even worse headache than the one i had before his ranting!!!!

edward; erm (looks across the ward) tyler you ok?

tyler; yeah dude im fine just a few cuts and bruisies and bella

bella; WHAT NOW SERIOUSLY

tyler; sorry

bella; AHHH SHUT UP!!!

; ahh isabella

bella; ITS BELLA GODDAMN IT

; ok bella lets just take a look ... hmm you seem fine how do you feel?

bella; phenomonal

dr cullen; well heres some pills for the pain later, i suggest you go home and rest

bella; stupid docters im going to school cos edward shall have to go to school and i must stalk him there

; no just go home

bella; FONE WHY OH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME!! (leaves the ward into the hallway)

KD; you have to calm down

bella; OMG EDWARD!!

edward; ...

bella; how did you stop the car

edward; ill tell you another time

bella; (whiney voice) nooowwww

edward; (dazzles and escapes with no injuries)

bella; damn he escaped

KD; you probably scared the poor guy

bella; so ?

~~~~ (the waiting room)~~~~

charlie; are you ok hunny?

bella; I AM PERFECTLY FINE CAN WE JUST GO HOME?

charlie; ... erm ok?

~~~~back home~~~~~

bella; myy heaadd!!!!

KD; well take the pills then

bella; no pills are bad and not very nice. cos the police say SAY NO TO DRUGS

KD; bella take the drugs

bella; ok (takes drugs)

KD; excellent

bella; NIGHT NIGHT (sleep talks) edward ... i like your hair


	4. I'M GOING TO JACKSONVILLE PEOPLE

bella; (sleep talking) dark ... light... edward ... hot edward ... no ... edward ... dont go ... (wakes up) AHH

KD; i see your awake?

bella; what day is it?

KD; i dont know but you must get ready for school

bella; NO all Tyler keeps doing is apologising

KD; if he apologisies ill trip him up ok?

bella; ok (gets ready)

~~~~ lunch ~~~~

tyler; Bella?

bella; oh god what

tyler im sorr- (falls)

bella; erm ... whatever

jessica; bella?

bella; WHAT CANT YOUS PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

KD; Contain dear bella contain

jessica; do you mind if i ask mike to the dance?

bella; NO I DONT MIND then maybe he will stop following me around like a lost puppy!!!

jessica; yay

mike; who we talking about ?

KD; your mother!!

bella; you!!

mike; great !!!

jessica; mike like wanna go to like the like spring like dance with me like hehehe?

KD; you say like wayy too much you daft bimbo

mike; erm i was gonna ask bella

bella; jacksonville

mike; what about it?

bella; jacksonville. going to it. cant go to dance with you.

mike; eh ..... bella when shall you be normal??

KD; never gonna happen

~~~~biology~~~~

mike; bella?

bella; cant you just leave me alone!!!! what?

mike; i think i should ask jess to the dance

bella; yes you should byebye (leaves)

mr. banner; Mr cullen?

edward; the Krebs Cycle

KD; oh hes soooo smart

bella; (sighs) he is

KD; oh god (eyeroll)

edward; bella?

bella; (in head) EEP (out loud) yes? oh look your speaking to me again !!!

edward; erm, yes that is what it seems to be

bella; well?

edward; im sorry, but we really shouldnt be friends

bella; (in head) yay i can stop being mad at him woohoo!!! (out loud) you confuse me oh gorgeous one?

edward; its better if we're not friends.

bella; well you should have thought about that earlier. when you could have saved yourself from all this regret !! (in head) omg i was so nasty i hope i havent hurt his feelings poor baby

edward; (blah blah blah saying he doesnt regret saving bella)

bella; (fantasisies) ( bell rings)

edward; (leaves)

bella; sigh (drops books) damn this clumsyness

edward; (picks up books)

bella; thaannkkkss (in head) he picked up my books he picked up my books

KD; bella . SHUT THE FUCKING FUCK UP!!

edward; your welcome (walks off in gangster style)

~~~~ school parking lot~~~~

eric; (acts cool) s'up bella

KD; why does he do that?

bella; i know i dont think he will ever accept hes just not cool

bella; what?

eric; wanna go to the dance with me?

bella; JACKSONVILLE PEOPLE!!!

eric; wow bella !!! calm down

bella; yes well here is the reason i am going to jacksonville that weekend and shall not be attending the dance

eric; erm ... cool bye

bella; (starts truck) stupid mike and eric oh great stupid cullen and his shiny car in my way ... oh GREAT a line i s starting to form

KD; bella ram into the back of his car in hehehe - evil laugh-

bella; no TYLER im sorry this time its daft cullen and his shiny new car like ohh my car is shiny and im gorgeous

tyler; erm ... wanna go to the-

bella; NO i do not im going to jacksonville people!!!!

tyler; yeah mike sa-

bella; THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ME

tyler; cos im obviously hotter than mike and i thought you were just letting him down gently

bella; WELL IM NOT!! GOODBYE... omg cullen is laughing!!! HOW DARE THAT SON OF A MOTHER DUCK!!

KD; bella!!

bella; yes yes i know calm down

~~~~ back home ~~~~

(phone rings)

KD; bella answer it

bella; NO!!

KD; it might be your mother or charlie

bella; fine (answers it) jessica? ... yes i understand your happy .... yes im happy for you too ... whatever .... GOODBYE ALREADY (hangsup) ... i shall make enchaladas for dinner

KD; dont burn yourself like last time

bella; it was just a minor injury

KD; bella you were screaming for ages like three hours

bella; im gonna be a jamaican now ok? cos jamaicans rock!!

KD; whatever i give up with you now and its only the 4th chapter

~~~~ charlie rturns~~~~

bella; dad?

charlie; yes bella?

bella; is it alright if i go to seattle man?

charlie; why are you talking with a jamaican accent?

bella; cos dee jamaican are da cool ones man

charlie; yes you can go to jamaica i mean seattle

bella; thankyou man

charlie; want me to come i dont think your truck with make it?

bella; ya man and no man i dont want ya to come to seattle with me man

charlie; arent you going to the dance

bella; na man you know i dont dance

~~~~next morning~~~~

bella; (locks truck but the key falls)

edward; (catches it) ive got your keyyyy ha ha haha ha

bella; GIVE ME IT NOW EDWEIRDO

edward; (hands over key)

bella; byeee (leaves)

edward; (follows)

bella; (in head) yay hes following me !! (out loud) why are you following me

edward; want a ride to seattle?

bella; But WHY DEAR GOD WHY???

edward i dont think your truck could make it

bella; (in head) oh no you di-int (out loud) YES i mean no

edward; why no?

bella; cos you are a stupid shiny volvo owner !!

edward; i know

bella; fine ill come

edward; yayyy (skips away)


	5. I'm Not A Danger Magnet

bella; (skips to english) lalala i love eddie-kinz

mr. mason; lateness is not tolerated

bella; FUCK YOU IM IN LOVE !!

mr. mason; BELLA

bella; sorry random outburst sir

mr. mason; just sit down

bella; (sits) (gasps) were is mike!!! oh he might have took the hint yayy (bell rings)

mike; bella

bella; (in head) NOOOOOOOOO (out loud) what

KD; your GAY oh yes your GAY

mike; blah blah blah blah

~~~~ lunch~~~~

jessica; blah blah blah blah blah edward cullen is staring at you again

bella; (in head) bet your sooooo jelous right now (out loud) (just looks like an idiot)

edward; (guestures for bella to come over) (bella goes) why dont you sit with me today

bella; (sits) (in head) good now i can stare at your gorgeousness and its not from a distance

edward; well ...

bella; this is ...

KD; amazing

bella; different

KD; idiot

edward; i have given up on staying away from you its too hard

bella; what giving up ?

edward; yeah too hard

bella; so we are friends

edward; i guess (crooked smile)

bella; (drools)

edward; what are you thinking

bella; im trying to figure out what you are

edward; well any luck

bella; no (in head) spider man or bat man ... hmmm hard choice

edward; what are your theories?

bella; too embaressing

KD; you screamed about going on a stretcher

edward; thats really frustrating you know

bella; NO the fact that you are like ohh lets ignore bella cos she smells and then your like oohh i wanna be bellas friend cos all of a sudden she doesnt smell and then your like oohhh ill save her life then deny it and then your like join me for lunch THAT IS FRUSTRATING

edward; temper temper

bella; i do not like double standards

edward; oh your boyfriend is debating weather to come up and brake up our fight

bella; wtf !! who? and how do you know?

edward; mike and i can read people easily

bella; oh what about me?

edward; no just no

bella; whyy?

edward; i dont know but i do wonder why myself?

bella; arent you hungry?

edward; no , you?

bella; NO

edward; oh

bella; can you do me a favour?

edward; it depends?

bella; warn me when your gonna go all I HATE YOU and then all I LIKE YOU

edward; yes if you answer something for me?

bella; sure

edward; tell me one theory

bella; (in head) cant he just take a hint NO NO-P-E (out loud) no

edward; pleeaasseee (uses dazzling power)

bella; spiderman

edward; no just no you weirdo freak

bella; aww biology next

edward; no i'm ditching because im a REBEL

bella; gasp

~~~~biology~~~~

mr. banner; blah blah blah BLOOD blah blah blah

bella; ew blood dont feel well cant handle this (puts head down on desk)

mr. banner; bella are you ok

bella; nooooooooooooo

mike; want me to take her to the nurse

mr. banner; yes michael

~~~~ corridor ~~~~

bella; let me sit down for a minute MICHAEL (sniggers)

mike; -sighs- fine

edward; (magically appears) bellaaaa whats wrong with you

mike; (goes all gay and huffy) shes not well ugh!!

edward; ill take her (picks bella up)

mike; NOOOOO not my bella!!!

edward; nahh ill just take her its alright

bella; put me down now or feel the wrath of bella

edward; no

~~~~nurses office~~~~

nurse; whats wrong?

edward; blood types in biology

nurse; theres always one, just sit down itll pass

~~~~ few minutes later ~~~~

nurse; go out to the ofice bella

bella; fine stingy bitch

edward; what are you in next

bella; (groans) gym

edward; (uses persuasive power) (uses mad creepy voice) diiitttcchhhh iiitttt

bella; (trance voice) yes master

(after walking for a minute or two)

bella; so what are you doing this saturday

edward; nothing, you?

bella; we are all going to la push first beach wanna come (hint hint)

edward; i wasnt invited

bella; DUHHH HOW STUPID ARE YOU I JUST DID!!!

edward; i dont want to

bella; (goes to go into the truck but edward stops her) excusee me!

edward; come in my volvo

bella; what about my truck

edward; alice will bring it over after school

bella; no i dont wanna

edward; (uses persuasive powers again) you wiillll coommee iinn thhee voollvvooo wiithh mee!!!!!!!!

bella; yes sir (goes into the volvo)

edward; (plays music)

bella; Clair De Lune?

edward; you know Debussy?

bella; my mother plays the classical crap while she cleans

edward; what kind of music do you like?

bella; rap!!

edward; (sniggers) let me hear you rap then

bella; (raps)

edward; excellent

bella; i know omg im gonna be gangsta

edward; please dont

bella; too late bruv

edward; noooo (changes subject to boring questions and of course bella is one again engulfed by edwards dazzelingness she answers)

bella; what about your brothers and sisters

edward; they shall be upset if they are left in the rain rosalie will be like my hair you shall die and stuff

bella; i guess you have to go

edward; yes have fun at the beach and dont be offended but you seem like the kind of person to attract danger so be careful

bella; im not a danger magnet!!

KD; you are

bella im nootttt (gets out volvo and edward drives away)


	6. Lauren Sounds Like Janice From Friends

~~~~bellas room~~~~

bella; concentrate ... concentrate ... (slams book down) i cant concentrate

KD; i never would have guessed

bella; i need to listen for my truck.

KD; whatever, no one cares about your obsession

bella; OMG

KD; dont tell me its ACTUALLY sunny?

bella; no but my truck is here !

KD; well why get me all worked up for nothing ?

bella; ...

~~~~ lunch next day ~~~~

jessica; what did cullen want like yesterday?

bella; (in head) cant she just keep her nose out of MY bussiness (out loud) i do not know jessica he did not get to the point

jessica; you looked like kinda mad ?

bella; (in head) now i must explain in deatail for the idiot (out loud) yes i did

jessica; ive never seen anyone sit with him except his family

bella; THATS BECAUSE THERES ALWAYS PEOPLE LIKE YOU ABOUT!!

jessica; it was weird

KD; cant she take a hint

bella; (puts her head on the table) yes yes it was rather weird

lauren; (glares)

bella; what is she glaring at !! just because she sounds like Janice from F. R. I. E. N. D. S

KD; i dont really know?

lauren; why doesnt _bella_ just sit with the cullens from now on

mike; shes my friend so she sits with us

bella; aww thats nice ive always wanted a gay friend

KD; erm .... yes it was nice of him

~~~~next day at newtons olympic outfitters~~~~

mike; BELLA YOU CAME OMG OMG OMG IM SOOOOO HAPPY

bella; -sighs- i told you i was coming !!?? didnt i

mike; will you ride in my car pllleeeeaaasssseeee!!!???

bella; any other options?

mike; well (looks at Lee's mini van) nope

bella; fiinneeee

~~~~ la push beach~~~~

mike; have you ever seen a driftwood fire?

bella; no mike i havent

KD; i wanna see it i wanna see it i wanna see it!!!

mike; good just look at the colours (lights driftwood)

bella; OMFG ITS BLUE THATS FREEKING AMAZING

mike; the salt does it

bella; ammaaazziinnnnggg

mike; anybody want to hike?

bella; (in head) maybe i do maybe i dont hmmmm

KD; decide already

bella; (follows mike)

~~~~ woods ~~~~

bella; dark .... too dark .... dont like it .....

~~~~ back on the beach ~~~~

bella; omg omg different people how dare they come here !!!!

eric; blah blah blah

older guy; blah blah blah JESSICA blah blah blah JACOB

jacob; your isabella swan arent you?

bella; -sighs- yes i am doesnt everybody know!!!

jacob; im jacob black

bella; OH billys son

jacob; you might not remember me but you might remember my sisters rachel and rebecca?

bella; (in head) erm ... oh the bitches (out loud) oh yeah are they here (looks as if she wants to see them)

jacob; no rachel got a scholarship to washington state and rebeccas married to a surfer guy she lives in hawaii

bella; woooowwww married. im never going to get married

KD; yeah lets see how that works out

jacob; how do you like the truck

bella; i freeking love it!!

jacob; (shocked face) but its sooooo slow? i was soooo releived when charlie bought it.

bella; its not that slow (annoyed face) (in head) no one insults MY truck !!!

jacob; have you tried to go over 60?

bella; n-o-p-e

jacob; good dont

bella; so you build cars?

jacob; yeah im working on a volkswagen 1986 rabbit i just need parts

bella; ohhhhhh you are a smart person

lauren; jacob you know bella??

jacob; yeah bitch since i was born basically

lauren; how nice. Bella too bad none of the cullens could come

older guy; dr. cullens family?

lauren; yes do you know them?

older guy; (mysterious creepy voice) thee cuulllleennss donntt coomme heerree

~~~~silence~~~~

jacob; is forks driving you mad yet

KD; no but edward is

bella; bit of and understatment

bella; wanna come for a walk on the beach with me ?

jacob; OF COURSE !!!!

KD; see bella hes enthusiastic unlike you

bella; oh shut up you

~~~~ on the beach~~~~

bella; so your sixteen? (batters eyelashes)

KD; your attemt at flirting is exeptionally painfull to the viewers

jacob; i just turned fifteen

bella; really??? i thought you were older

KD; this can only get worse

jacob; im tall

bella; who was the older guy

jacob; thats sam hes ninteen

bella; what was he saying about the doctors family

jacob;the cullens arent supposed to come on the reservation

bella; WHY !! does their dazzeling powers not work on you?

jacob; what?

bella; nothing

jacob; well im not really supposed to tell you the reason why

bella; pllleeeeeeeeeeaaassseee

jacob; erm ... well its just a scary story ... do you like scary stories

bella; i freekin love scary stories

jacob; blah blah blah decended from wolfs blah blah blah cold ones blah blah blah

bella; cold ones?

jacob; blah blah blah

bella; werewolves have enimies?

jacob;just one i mean EVERYBODY knows it

bella; oh continue even though you blind be with your teeth

jacob; blah blah blah

bella; so are the cold ones like the ones your great-grandfather met?

jacob; they are the same ones

bella; what are they ???

jacob; blood drinkers.

bella; ohhh goths

jacob; no vampires

bella; i knew that

jacob; goose bumps?

bella; yes, good story teller with bright teeth

jacob; i guess i just violated the treaty

bella; oh well who gives two fucks?

jacob;do you think we're superstitious natives

bella; no but your story telling is awesome !!

mike; AHH BELLA THERE YOU ARE I THOUGHT ID LOST YOU AND MY LIFE WOULD BE A FAILURE

jacob; is that your boyfriend

bella; no hes gay

jacob; so .. when i get my lisence (hint hint)

bella; you should drive the car

KD; omg think for once bella!!

bella; oh you shoud DRIVE it to me in forks and we could hang yeah bruv?

jacob; uh yeah gangsta

mike; BELLA MY DEAREST WE ARE GOING NOW IT LOOKS LIKE ITS GONNA RAIN

bella; okayyyy im coming you gay racist hobofied leprecon

~~~~ in the car~~~

bella; cold ones hmmmm ....

KD; bella shut up man you annoy me sooooo freeking much


	7. Mike And Eric Are Secretly Jedward

~~~~bellas room~~~~

bella; (sleep talk) jacob .... s'up gangsta ... mike ... gay ... oh so gay

KD; nobody can sleep with her in the room

bella; AHHHHHH

KD; hi

bella; hi what times it?

KD; 5:30

bella; shower timmeee

KD; why must you announce it?

bella; (leaves)

KD; im so lonely i have nobody

bella; (returns) (sits at computer and switches it on)

KD; ( looks at pop-up adds) ooohh free broadband when you sign up with ... never mind

bella; (types vampire) AHHH THERES NOTHING!!

KD; what about vampires A-Z

bella; shut up ... oh what about vampires A-Z

KD; i just said that

bella; shut up (clicks on it) hmmm interesting ... im going for a walk

KD; im coming

~~~~in the woods~~~~

bella; whatever bruv (sits on a tree) this was the worst place to choose to live (pouts)

KD; you did say you wanted to come!!

bella; well i think edward is a vampire but im not too sure because it did sound like superstitious nonsense

KD; well what do you want me to do about it ?

~~~~back inside~~~~

bella; ahh homework homework homework

KD; you are the most boringest person i have ever met

bella; theres nothing wrong with doing homework at like half six in the morning before school

KD; ok then you keep telling yourself that

bella; want to know who ive not seen in ages?

KD; who?

bella; bob

KD; yes i was wondering were he went

bella; hes on the window ledge

KD; oh yeah maybe you should give him to edward as a present

bella; yes ill give it to him in school or maybe ... ill look around town for his house

KD; bella that what you call s-t-a-l-k-i-n-g

bella; oh fine

~~~~ later~~~~

charlie; nice day out?

bella; YES IT WAS AWESOME!!!!

charlie; (smiles)

~~~~ in school ~~~~

mike; bella?

bella; (in head) noooooooo- oh wait your my gay friend (out loud) hey mike

mike; your hair has red in it i am amazed

bella; OMFG IM GOING GINGER

KD; your not your hair just goes red in the sun

bella; oh thank god never mind never mind its just the sun

mike; its a great day isnt it?

bella; yes i love the sun

mike; i do prefere snow

KD; WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND SNOW GIVE IT A REST ALREADY!!

bella; ok then

mike; what did you do yesterday?

bella; essay.

mike; what about it

bella; essay. worked on it.

mike; oh that was due on thursday goddamn it

bella; no wednesday you idiot?

mike; ohh ill have to work on it tonight .. i was wondering if you wanted to go out?

bella; erm arent you gay

mike; why does everybody ALWAYS think that? im not gay

bella; (in head) oh you mean your just in denial and havent accepted it

mike; well do you want to go out for dinner or something?

bella; erm ... i .. erm dont think that erm ... that would be the uhh best idea

mike; (whiney voice) wwhhhyyyyyy

bella; (imitates his voice) jeesssiiicccaaaa

mike; jessica?

bella; really you gayidiot are you blind ? do you want me to get you a pair of glasses? and then you and eric could be gay twins like jedward?

mike;oh .... erm

bella; gotta go gonna be late bye (runsaway)

KD; i wonder how long itll take him to get outta denial ?

bella; me too

~~~~ in trigometry~~~~

jessica; hehehe going to port angelese hehehe with angela and lauren hehehe

bella; great ! (in head) not really

jessica; wanna come hehehe

bella; erm

jessica; do yah do yah do yah

bella; erm maybe ill talk with charlie first

jessica; yayyyy

~~~~ lunch ~~~~

angela; macbeth blah blah blah

bella; angela do you know saying the title of that wretched play could bring you bad luck ?

angela; why no, no i didnt

bella; well now you do (looks at cullens table) (sad face)

~~~~ back home ~~~~

bella; e-mails e-mails e-mails

KD; answer them answer them answer them

bella; ok (types)

KD; bella you are so slow at typing

bella; SO! (finishes typing) i better go make the best of the sun (takes quilt and lies out the back)

~~~~ back in the house ~~~~

bella; sorry i was sun bathing and forgot about dinner

charlie; its fine

bella; its not really

charlie; it is

bella; DONT ARGUE WITH ME OLD MAN GO SIT AND WATCH THE GAME ALREADY!!

(charlie leaves)

~~~~ later on ~~~~

bella; father?

charlie; yes daughter

bella; can i go to port angeles with jessica

charlie; jessica stanley?

bella; yes and angela-

charlie; angela weber

bella; YES STOP INTERUPPTING ME !!!

charlie; sorry

(silence)

bella; well?

charlie; well what?

bella; can i go!!

charlie; yeah why are you going

bella; to find dresses for the dance

charlie; your not going but?

bella; to help THEM find dresses

charlie; yeah ok you can go

bella; THANKYOU

KD; he is dumb

bella; i know

KD; now i can see where you get your brains from

~~~~ next day ~~~~

bella; YAYYYY SUN AGAIN

KD; YAYYY

bella; (gets ready and goes to school)

KD; lets goooooooo

~~~~ biology ~~~~

bella; (cries) hes never here anymore

KD; and its all your fault

bella i k-knowww (cries harder)

~~~~ after school ~~~~

jessica; yayyy lets go yayyy lets go yayyy lets go

bella; (joins in)

KD; oh god how will i survive?


	8. Creepy Stalker Guys

~~~~ in jessicas car ~~~~

KD; bella why did you bring bob

bella; bob wanted to come so i must fufill his last wishies before i send him off to live with edward

KD; -sighs-

jessica; blah blah blah MIKE IS HOT

KD; and gay

jessica; bellaa havent you ever had a boyfriend or something?

bella; NO BOYS ARE YUCKY

KD; except edward

jessica; why not

bella; no one asked me and like i said before boys are yucky

jessica; but boys ask you out here!!

bella; so!!

jessica; you tell them no

angela; except tyler

bella; WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY !!!

angela; (scared face) hes telling everybody hes taking you to the prom

bella; well that son of a mother duck isnt taking me anywere near a prom

jessica; and thats why lauren doesnt like you hehehe

bella; well i dont like lauren she sounds like janice

jessica; janice?

bella; janice from F. R. I. E. N. D. S

jessica; she does a bit

~~~~ later ~~~~

jessica; i cant decide the plain black one or the blue one

bella; blue

jessica; why blue?

bella; blue. just get the blue one.

jessica; hehehe okay

angela; im gonna get this pink one

bella; yes. you do that

KD; again not very enthusiastic are you?

bella; angela?

angela; yeah

bella; is it normal for the cullens well really edward because hes gorgeous to be out of school a lot?

angela; yes when the weathers good they go hiking and all that

bella; oh

KD; well at least hes not avoiding you?

bella; but ive not seen him in ages !!!

KD; you shall survive dear

bella; angela jessica im just going to a book store ill meet you at the italian restaraunt

jessica and angela; okay bye

~~~~ outside the book store ~~~~

bella; im not going in there

KD; neither would i

bella; (goes for a walk) (sees guys)

KD: oh god here we go

mad creepy guy; hey

bella; hello

KD; dont talk to them !!!

bella; ...

mad creepy guy; wait there

bella (runsaway)

KD; didnt your mother ever tell you not to talk to strangers ??

bella; no

KD; (shakes head)

(mad creepy guys return)

mad creepy guy; there you are !!!

other mad creepy guy; yeah we took a detour

(mad guy walks up to bella)

bella; stay away from me you mad creepy weirdo guy

mad creepy guy; dont be like that sugar

bella; (in head) ok erm self defensive ... ahh i cant remember

(screechy noise)

bella; (looks round)

edward; get in

bella; my hero

KD; get in the freeking car bella

bella; (gets in car)

edward; (gets in car) (furious voice) get your seat belt on !! (speeds off)

bella; are you okay oh gorgeous one

edward; no

bella; aww shame

edward; bella?

bella; yes? your royal gorgeousness

edward; distract me

bella; what?

edward; just prattle about some of your human worries untill i calm down

bella; ummmm im gonna run over tyler crowley tomorrow at school and i wonder when mike will come out of denial

edward; why ??

bella; because tyler is telling everybody hes taking me to prom when he isnt and mike is in denial because he doesnt accept the fact that hes gay better?

edward; not a lot

bella; whyyyyy

edward; because im trying to convince myself not to go back and hunt they animals down.

bella; oh

(silence)

bella; jessica and angela will be worried, i was supposed to meet them

edward; (drives to italian place)

jessica; where were you ? we were just about to leave

bella; got lost. ran into edward.

edward; can i join you ?

jessica; YES !!

KD; jelous bitch

angela; actually we were just leaving

bella; fine bitches you leave me here

edward; im just going to make sure bella gets something to eat and then ill take her home

jessica; ok bye (her and angela leaves)

~~~ in the restaraunt ~~~~

bella; how do you do that?

edward; do what bella ... if this is something about cookies-

bella; its not i was gonna ask how you dazzle people

edward; ()

bella; oh come on you must know what you do to people

KD; sigh

edward i dazzle people?

bella; yes

edward; do i dazzle you?

bella; for frequent amounts of time

host; hi.

bella; hi

host; soooo whatcha doin

bella; talking

host; great so im your host want a drink?

edward; two cokes

host; be right back friends

edward; (stares at bella)

bella; why are you staring at me like that its creepy and uncomfortable

edward; how are you feeling?

bella; amazingly great like the host

edward; what no sick or dizzyness im waiting for you to go into shock

KD; she has delayed emotions

host; (brings drinks and breadsticks) ready to order dearys?

bella; mushroom ravioli

edward; nothing for me thanks

host; oh come on you know you wanna eat

edward; erm no, no i dont

host; oh fine (leaves)

edward; drink now

bella; i dont wanna

edward; (persuasive powers) drriiinnnkkk

bella; yes sir (drinks and shivers)

edward; are you cold

bella; no its just the coke

edward; do you even have a jacket?

bella; NNNOOOOOOO its in jessicas car AHHHHHH

edward; (hands bella his jacket)

bella; (sniffs it like a dog)

edward; the colour blue looks beautiful with your skin

bella; (blushes)

host; heres your mushroom ravioli and will you PLEASE eat!!

edward; no

host; fine (leaves)

bella; i have questions

edward; go on?

bella; how did you know were to find me?

edward; next one

bella; (whiney voice) but thats the easiest one !!!

edward; i have an internal sat nav next

bella; no i want the real answer or you shall feel the wrath of bella

edward; i followed you

bella; (in head) haha hes stalking ME im not stalking HIM

KD; oh shut up you were thinking about it

bella; why?

edward; because ive never tried to keep a specific person alive and with you ... well you have an extra ordinary number of accidents walking out your house

bella; so my number was up when you saved me from the car?

edward; no your number was up the fist time i met you, you remember?

bella; yes

edward; and yet here you sit

bella; yeah because of you dumbo

edward; you eat ill talk

bella; (eats)

edward; blah blah blah keeping track on you blah blah blah keeping track on jessicas mind blah blah blah

~~~~ when edward has finished rambling ~~~~

edward; are you ready to go home?

bella;yes

host; how ya doin

edward; we are ready for the check

host; (hands over check and takes money) thanks

~~~~ in the shiny volvo ~~~~

edward; (creepy horror movie voice) now its your turn MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


	9. Awww Bob Is Dead

bella; pleeeeaaassee can i ask you just one more

edward; one then

bella; do you like cactuses

edward; yeah their alright

bella; (hands him bob)

edward; (looks at cactus) (the cactus gets icicles because edwards so cold)

bella; YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!! YOUR KILLING BOB (snatches bob)

edward; bob?

bella; YES BOB IS HIS NAME (runs into a random house and puts bob in the microwave) (bob blows up)

bella; nooooooooooooooooooooooo (returns to edwards car)

edward; (just looks)

bella; so just one more question ?

edward; ok

bella; how did you know i wasnt in the bookstore

edward; i followed your scent

bella; aha you havent answered one of my questions

edward; what one?

bella; mind reading? how does it work like can you read anybodys? anywere? how? can your family?

edward; thats more than one!!!!

bella; hehehe i know

edward; well its just me and i cant hear anyone anywere. i have to fairly close if i listen to them frequently the further away they are i can hear them. its like a radio and its like your mind is on AM frequency and mines is on FM

bella; (cries) im a freak

edward; i hear voices and your the freak?

bella; SLOW DOWN MAN !!

edward; what the fucks wrong!!!!!!

bella; your going 100 miles per hour

edward; we're not gonna crash

bella; not gonna crash not gonna crash not gonna crash

KD; sigh yous bore me

edward; ive never been in an accident or gotten a ticket i have a built in radar i bet your jelous arent you

bella; no actually ive never had a ticket either

edward; theory.

bella; what about a theory

edward; i wanna know it

bella; youll be angry

edward; no i wont

bella; will

edward; what got you started

bella; last saturday at the beach ... i ran into jacob black his dad and my dad were and still are firends since i was a baby his dad is a weird elder and we went for a walk he was telling me scary stories about ...

KD; PIGS!!

bella; (whispers) dinosaurs

edward; ye- no

bella; erm a .... erm ... leprecon?

edward; no vampire

bella; oh

edward; when you thought about leprecons did you immmedeatly think of me

bella; NO!! YOUR ALWAYS SO ACCUSING

edward; sorry

bella; its because he mentioned your family it was my fault i tricked him into telling me

edward; how did you trick him ?

bella; i tried to flirt-

KD; emphasis on the tried

bella; it worked better than i thought it would

edward; aww poor jacob black

KD; yes it was rather a shame .

edward; then what did you do

bella; research on the internet

edward; sigh and

bella; (pouts) nothing fit it wasnt fair

edward; and then

bella; i decided it didnt matter

edward; doesnt matter? hmm..

bella; no-p-e

edward; so it doesnt matter if im not human?

bella; your angry. i knew youd be angry

edward; noooooo i like knowing what your thinking

bella; so im wrong

edward; it doesnt matter

bella; GASP!! so im right

edward; (whiney voice) it doesnt mattteerrrr

bella; i am curious

edward; about?

bella; how old are you?

edward; seventeen

bella; how long have you been seventeen?

edward; (creepy pause) a while

bella; ok .... but how can you come out in the daytime?

edward; myth

bella; burned by the sun?

edward; myth again

bella; sleeping in coffins

edward; myth ...... i cant sleep

bella; GAAASSSSPP at all?

edward; what about my diet?

bella;oh erm that

edward; i bet you wanna know if i drink blood?

bella; wweeeeeeellll jacob did say something about that

edward; he said?

bella;you dont hunt people you only hunt animals was he right?

edward; we try

bella; tell me more tell me more

edward; i dont want to be a monster

edward; bella im dangerous. im not safe for you to be around

bella; doesnt matter

edward; DONT EVER SAY THAT EVER!!!

bella; (cries)

edward; oh dont tell me your crying

bella; n-no

edward; sorry. tell me something?

bella; what?

edward; what were you thinking before i seen you tonight

bella; i was trying to think of self defense

edward; (uncontrollable laughing fit) you w-were g-going to f-fight them ahahahaha

bella; yes

edward; didnt you think about running?

bella; i fall down a lot when i run

KD; bet your not surprised

edward; im not surprised

KD; as i thought

bella; will i see you tomorrow?

edward; yeah i have a paper due

bella; yay yay yay yay yay yay - hold on promise

edward; i promise

bella; (sniffs his jacket like a dog again) (goes to take it off)

edward; keep it for tomorrow you dont have a jacket

bella; but how will i explain to dear father

edward; oh yeah

edward; promise me something?

bella; sigh what now?

edward; dont go into the woods alone

bella; whhhyyyyy

edward; sometimes we're not the only dangerous monsters out there.

~~~~ in the house ~~~~

(phone rings)

bella; hello ... oh its you jess ... why must you poke your nose into everything ... yes thats the reason ... fine ill tell you tomorrow bye.

~~~ in bellas room ~~~~

bella; im sure of three things first edward is a vampire

KD; agreed

bella; second there was a part of him and i didnt know how domnant that part was that thisted for my blood

KD; why are you talking to yourself?

bella; and third i was unconditionaly and irrevocably in love with him

KD; awwww young love


	10. Oh No Silver Volvo Oh Yes Silver Volvo

KD; bella why are you sitting on your bed debating with yourself of all people weather last night was a dream or not?

bella; because i just dont know!!

KD; sigh whats the weather like?

bella; dull and boring (sad face) OH WAIT THAT MEANS HE MUST COME INTO SCHOOL TODAY YAYYYY

~~~~runs outside~~~~

KD; oh no silver volvo

bella; oh yes silver volvo

KD; (sighs)

edward; do you want to ride with me today?

bella; YES OF COURSE I FREEKING DOOOOOOO (jumps in volvo)

edward; i brought the jacket for you i didnt want you to get sick or something

KD; i hope she will so she can stop talking about you

bella; (drools at edwards body)

KD; god

bella; (still looking at his body) i i-im not that delicate (puts jacket on)

edward; (creepy horror movie voice again) arent you !!!

edward; no 101 questions today? (horrified face)

bella; do they bother you?

edward; not as much as your reactions do

KD; i know did you see her last night when she seen the speed-o-metre

bella; do i react badly ???

edward; NO you dont i tell you im a vampire and your like ok your ment to be freekin out your tree!!

bella; but i always tell you what im thinking and its the truth

edward; you edit

bella; so?

edward; its slowly driving me insane

bella; were are the rest of your family

edward; they took rosalies car

bella; (looks at rosalies car) woooowww why does she take your car when she has that car?

edward; trying to blend in?

bella; you will never suceed NEVER.

bella; why do you have cars like that anyway if you try to blend in

edward; we cant help it its a need. we like to drive fast

bella; fugures (sees jessica) hey jessica

edward; good morning jessica

jessica; (drools) hi ... ill see you in trig

bella; yeah whatever. (in head) just so you can find out all the details

edward; what are you going to tell her?

bella; liar liar pants on fire!!

edward; what?

bella; you said you couldnt read my mind!!

edward; i cant but i can read hers and shes gonna pounce on you when she sees you in trig ... so what are you gonna tell her?

bella; help!! what does she want to know?

edward; if we are secretly dating and how you feel about me

bella; what should i sayyyyyy???????

edward; say yes to the first if you like

bella; (in head) yeeessssssssssssssss

edward; and ill be listening for the answer to the second one myself (leaves) see you at lunch!

~~~~ some class ~~~~

mike; good morning bella dearest how was port angeles

bella; it was ...... GREAT!!! jessica got a really erm ... cute dress

mike; did she say anything about monday night

bella ; she said she had a really good time

mike; yayyyy people might stop beleiving im not gay anymore!!

~~~~ trig~~~~

jessica' TELL ME EVERYTHING

bella; erm he bought me my dinner then drove me home

jassica; how the hell did you get home so fast?

bella; he drives like a ... a ... a maniac

jessica; was it like a date was it? was it? was it? did you plan to meet him there did you? did you? did you?

bella; NO I WAS SURPRISED TO SEE HIM THERE OKAY??

jessica; but ... but ... but he picked you up for school today

bella; (in head) AHHHHHHHHH GO AWAY!! (out loud) another surprise

jessica; when are you meeting him again?

bella; hes driving me to seattle does that count?

jessica; YES!!! wow edward cullen

bella; i know

jessica; has he kissed you?

bella; (fantasisies) no

jessica; do you think this saturday ?

bella; no (sad face)

jessica; (rants on and on )

bella; (in head) shut up shut up shut up

~~~~ lunch ~~~~

bella; what would you do if someone dared you to eat food?

edward; erm i would eat it but it would taste like dirt to you

bella; oh HAHA I CAN EAT FOOD HA HA HAHA HA

edward; something you said to jessica bothers me

bella; what is it?

edward; you think you could care more for me than i care for you? (un intentional dazzle)

bella; your doing it again

edward; what?

bella; dazzling me

edward; oh erm sorry (looks at the ground) answer the question

bella; no

edward; (persuasive voice) dooo iiittt

bella; yes i do

edward;your wrong

bella; you dont know that

edward; what makes you think so?

bella; let me think (in head) your just weird (out loud) its like your trying to say goodbye sometimes

KD; your lunch-time talks bore me to death seriously

edward; blah blah blah blah blah grizzly bears are emmetts favourite

bella; NOO!!! whats yours?

edward; mountain lions

bella; NO WAYYYYY

edward; erm yes way

bella; i wanna see you hunt

edward; NOOOOO NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER

bella; fiiinneee ... whhy?

edward; ill explain later

(bell rings)

bella; I SHALL NOT FORGET (skips and trips on the way to biology)


	11. Gay People Are So Funny

bella; STOP STARING AT US !!!!

edward; bella relax

bella; FINE. (sits with edward)

mr. banner; (pulls in tv) just watch the video please before i breakdown

bella; (in head) yay watching tv. with edward. in the dark. yay

~~~~ after biology~~~~

edward; shall we?

bella; lets

edward; whats next?

bella; gym for me 

edward; (strokes bellas cheekbone)

bella; (practically almost faints)

~~~ in gym ~~~~

mike; wanna be a team

bella; yes my gay friend its very easy to like you sometimes

mike; same

~~~~ sometime later ~~~~

mike; so?

bella; (in head) oh no if hes gonna go on about the prom ill kill him (out loud) so?

mike; so you and cullen huh?

bella; thats none of your bussiness gaydo (in head) damn jessica and her big mouth and her awful curly hair

mike; (whiney voice) i dont like itt!!

bella; you dont have too

KD; oh some gay person is jelous i see

mike; he looks at you like your something to eat

bella; (uncontrollable laughter) g-gay people a-are so funny

~~~~ after gym in the parking lot~~~~

edward; how was gym ?

bella; fine

edward; oh really (stares creepily at bella)

bella; ok ok it wasnt sheesh

edward; mike is annoying me

bella; DAMN YOU , YOU WERE LISTENING AGAIN!!!

edward; mayybbee

bella; YOU ARE UNBELEIVABLE .!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~ in the volvo ~~~~

bella; what kinda car is rosalies?

edward; an M3

bella; i dont talk crazy person and car

edward; fiiinnnneee BMW

...

edward; are you still angry

bella; yes

edward; will you forgive me?

bella; if you dont do it again

KD; dont beleive him

bella; SHUT UP!!!

edward; what about if i say im sorry ? AND let you drive on saturday

bella; (in head) yess i can escape his maniac driving!!! (out loud) deal

edward; im sorry and ill be early on saturday

bella; NO !!

edward; why?!

bella; it does not help that there shall be an unexplained volvo lying in the driveway!!

edward; fine ill leave the car

bella; is it later?

edward; what do you think dumbass

KD; yes

bella; yes

edward; do you still want to see me hunt?

bella; yip

edward; did my reaction scare you?

bella; no

edward; sorry

bella; you didnt scare me

edward; did

bella; didnt

edward; did

bella; DIDNT DIDNT DIDNT

edward; ok ok ok didnt then !!! jeez blah blah blah my turn to ask questions tomorrow blah blah blah

~~~~ next day ~~~~

KD; s'up

bella; gangsta talk tha day bruv?

KD; word dawg!

charlie; this saturday are you still set on going to seattle

bella; yah dawg !!

charlie; are you sure your not going to be home in time for the dance?

bella; why you droppin awl ya weight on me dawg !! am nawt gawna be home for da dance kay dawg?

charlie; didnt anyone ask you?

bella; its da girls choice

charlie; oh

~~~~ in the volvo ~~~~ 

edward; good morning? how are you today?

bella; s'up dawg am good mukka yaself!!

edward; im perfectly fine you look tired

bella;couldnt sleep bubs ...whatcha do lats night bruv?

edward; blah blah blah questions blah blah blah

bella; blah blah blah brown blah blah blah

~~~~ back in the school ~~~~

jacob; heyy bella

bella; s'up dawg?

KD; ahahahahaha dawg ahahaha

bella; whats so funny

KD; you shall find out later!!


	12. Damn Jacob And His Gangstaness

charlie; BILLY

KD; ... why the element of surprise?

bella; jacob jacob jacob come in come in come in

KD; she picks the times to be enthusiastic

charlie; (shocked expression) GASP JACOB!!! i will pretend that i didnt see you driving

jacob; but we get permits early on the re-

charlie; dont argue with me young man

bella; oh shut up dad

~~~~ in the kitchen ~~~~

jacob; s'up dawg?

bella; im not gangster anymore

jacob; c'mon hommie yahno yah wanna be

bella; weird child with bright teeth.

jacob; so gangsta who was da home-dawg in the volvo?

bella; plates.

jacob; yo dawg wat about da plates bruv?

bella; plates. get me one.

jacob; yah hommie (gets plate) sa who was it?

bella; -sighs- Edward cullen

KD; edWEIRDO cullen

jacob; oh i wondered how da old home-dawg was actin like dat

KD; cant he just talk normal

bella; (innocent) your father doesnt like the cullens!!!

jacob; yah man

~~~~ later ~~~~

jacob; are ya and yar hommies gawn back to da beach soon ?

bella; dunno

KD; all enthusiasim is gone.

charlie; yeah well it was nice seeing you again

billy; yes. yes it was

KD; oh look billy and bella show the same amount of enthusiasm

(they leave)

charlie; how was your day?

bella; fine hommie (in head) damn jacob and him gangstaness

charlie; god not the gangster mode again

bella; yah and mah badminton team won like four games tha day

charlie; (uncontrollable laughter) you cant play badminton

bella; ano dat dawg but mah partner can

charlie; whos dat- i mean that

bella; dats mike newton

charlie; oh nice family hes got. WHY IN THE NAME OF TAYLOR AND ROBERT DIDNT YOU ASK HIM TO THE DANCE!!?

bella; wow wow wow first tings first home dawg one - only I say in da name of taylor and robert and two - mikes gay and datin jessica and tree-

charlie; three

bella; dats wat i said tree - i dont dance

~~~~ next day in the volvo ~~~~

edward; how did you sleep

KD; always the same questions

bella; fine how was your night?

edward; pleasent

bella; whatever bruv

edward; bella pleeeaasseee NOT the gangster mode again

bella; too late dawg!!

edward; (bangs his head on the steering wheel and it almost cracks)

bella; fine fine ill stop the gangsta talk

edward; thank god oh and me and alice are leaving at lunch

bella; (in head) goddamn bitch is gonna make me walk (out loud) its not that far of a walk

edward; you dumbass im not gonna make; you walk your trucks gonna be here

bella; i dont have my key so HA

edward; ill get your key and leave in the ignition so HA to you

bella; hmph

edward; dont hmph its rude

bella; what are you like 80?

edward; (creepy voice) you shall never know.

bella; sooooo were ya goinnngg?

edward; huuunnntttiiinnnnnggg

bella; so what time tomo-

edward;same time as always

bella; yayyyyyy

edward; what would charlie think if you didnt come home?

KD; like any normal parent and get a search party?!! sheesh your ment to be smart

bella; dunno maybe i drowned in the washing? (cries)

edward; why the hell are you crying?

bella; your family dont like meeeee

KD; nope just rosalie

edward; no they dont get the fact that i cant leave you alone

bella; hmph neither do I

edward; you fascinate me

KD; she fascinates me too i mean how could someone be so stupid sometimes?

~~~~ lunch ~~~~

bella; you gonna be on your way then

edward; yes theres still 15 minutes of that movie left in biology i cant take it anymore all they go on about are cells cells cells plants plants plants

alice; s'up eddie

edward; dont call me eddie

alice; fine

edward; alice, bella - bella, alice

alice; hiya bellsy

bella; erm hi

edward; its bella alice

alice; whateverrrr are you coming?

edward; ill meet you at the car

bella; have fun?

edward; ill try be safe

bella; yup

edward; i mean it

bella; i know

edward; itll be challenging

bella; yup

edward; -sighs- goodbye

bella; yup

~~~~ gym ~~~~

mike; are you going to the dance with edweirdo cullen?

KD; yesss!!!! eventually someone uses the name !

bella; nope im not going

mike; (all gay and huffy) well what are you doing then

bella; studying duhh

mike; is edweirdo helping you?

bella; EDWARD is gone out of town that weekend

mike; you could still come with us

bella; NO DO YOU FUCKING GET IT NO NO NO NO !!!

~~~~ back home ~~~~

bella; yo dad

charlie; -sighs- what?

bella; im just gonna wait untill jessica can go with me to seattle

charlie; ok whatever dont care

~~~~next morning ~~~~

edward; good morning

bella; whats wrong?

edward; we match

bella; DAMN YOU BITCH AND ALL YOUR LIES

edward; the fuck?

bella; YOU SAID I COULD DRIVE YOU WHORE!!!

edward; ok ok you an drive (they swap seats)

bella; were to oh gorgeous one?

edward; seatbelt.

bella; what about it?

edward; seatbelt. put it on. worried already

bella; well were are we going ?

edward; take the 101 North

bella; (does what shes told cos shes a good dog)

edward; any slower?

bella; LISTEN BITCH THIS TRUCK IS YOUR CARS GRANDFATHER

edward; i just dont think so

bella; WHY THE FUCK DONT YOU THINK THAT!!

edward; my car volvo your thing old and decrepit engine probably run on coal so i doubt theres a relation

bella; (confused . com)

edward; TURN NOW

bella; (turns) why shout!!!

edward; your human (shrugs)

~~~~ medow ~~~~

edward; oh. my. god

KD; what !!!!

bella; what?

edward; there. are. purple. flowers.

bella; oh my fucking god !!!! its true there really is !!!

edward; (takes shirt off in the shadow)

bella; omg edward!!! i know what you are.

edward; erm you already know im a vampire

bella; your something more.

edward; (confused. com)

bella; (whispers) a vampire/stripper

edward; no (walks into light)


	13. Charlie Is An Alcoholic?

bella; GASP. shhhiiiiinnnnnyyyy edward.

edward; (lies down and doesnt move)

bella; (traces patterns)

edward; dont i scare you

KD; yes man, you freeking sparkle!!!

bella; (mesmorised) nooooooooo

edward; what are you thinking i just c-cant h-handle i-it n-not k-knowing (breaks down)

bella; erm i was thinking that i would like to know what you were thinking

KD; we know what thats gonna be dont we? must. not. kill. bella.

edward; what else ? unless your small insignificent human mind is too small to think two things at once?

KD; well its only really like that with bella so?

bella; blah blah blah

edward; blah blah blah im the worlds best predator arent i? everything ablout you draws you in my voice, face, even smell!! as if i need that (runs round medow very fast like speedy gonzallaz or the roadrunner) as if you could outrun me (rips tree roots)

bella; WOW WOW WOW TOO FUCKING FAR THAT WAS A TREE A POOR INNOCENT TREE IT DONE NOTHING TO YOU !!!!

edward; please forgive me im not thirsty dont be scared!! so were was i ?

bella; i dunno i cant remember?

edward; i think we were talking about how you were scared besides the fact that im a vampire ... RAWRR!!!

bella; AHHHHHHH

edward; (uncontrollable laughter) ahahaha you fell for it

bella; (pouts)

edward; anyway blah blah blah

bella; what did emmett do?

edward; ...

bella; i know what he did !!

edward; even the strongest of us dont have a clean record

bella; h-he killed a fucking dog didnt he ... DIDNT HE

edward; no a human

bella; oh thank god thats okay

edward; blahhhhhhh blahhhh blahhhbella i want your blood to be honest blah blah blah (listens to bellas heart)

bella; (hyperventilating)

~~~ later at the truck ~~~~

edward; how do you feel?

bella; diiizzzzzzyyyyyyy (spins)

edward; hah your as white as a ghost ... no your as white as me!!

KD; that was just soooooo funny

bella; i shoulda closed my eyes (sad face)

edward; maybe next time?

bella; THERE WILL BE NO FUCKING NEXT TIME (cries)

edward; oh come on and stop being an emo it wasnt even that bad to be honest

bella; i-im not crying about that

edward; well what the fuck are you crying about

bella; b-b-b-b-b-b-b-BOB

edward; i give up

~~~~ in the evil old decrepit truck ~~~~

edward; you are not driving

bella; (whines) i waaannnnnaaaa drriiivvvveeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

edward; friends do not let friends drive drunk

bella; im drunk??? DAMN it must have been the milk. i knew charlie obviously still hasnt gotten over his habit

edward; THE FUCK??!?!!!?!?!


	14. Edward Gets High On Blood

bella; (in head) ok calm down hes driving at a reasonable speed no need to panic- AHHHHHH THERES A TREE!!!

KD; oh shut up and get a grip already

bella; NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER

edward; (puts old fifties music on and sings because he thinks he can)

bella; OMG YOU ACTUALLY LIKE THIS MUSIC!!??

edward; yeah man FIFTIES MUSIC ROCKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bella; (in head) there is something wrong with him !!

edward; its much better than the sixties and seventies and MUCH better than the eighties i dont really know how i survived

bella; omfg how old are you man!!

edward; ill never tell you NEVER

Bella; fine i was just wondering

edward; (jessica stanley voice) okay ill tell you i was born 1901 and carlisle went all vampire on me in 1918

107 guy in the car next to them; stupid teenagers and their reckless driving

edward; im an 107 guy trapped in a seventeen year olds body !!!

107 year old guy; lucky bastard

his wife; i hear your the hottest 107 year old around here?

edward; sorry im taken

107; aww too bad me and you coulda-

edward; I DONT WANNA KNOW (drives away)

bella; mwahahahaha

~~~~ outside bellas house ~~~~

edward; oh oh oh can i come in can i can i can i?

bella; (surprised) you want to

edward; duhhh

bella; whatever

~~~~ in the house ~~~~

edward; (whispers) guess what?

bella; (whispers) what?

edward; (whispers) i spied on you

bella; PEDO!! how many times

edward; erm almost every night?

bella; WHY IN THE NAME OF ROBERT AND TAYLOR?

edward; your fascinating when you sleep

bella; oh

edward; you talk

bella; NOOOOOOOOOO what did i say?

edward; crap about your mom and the rain and ... MY NAME HAHAHAHA YOU SAID MY NAME

bella; nooooooo (hears charlies car) edward hiiiiiddddeee

edward; (salutes) (hides)

charlie; bella

bella; heeeerrrrreeee!!!!

charlie; make me some of that fo shizzle

bella; DAD WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT YOU BEING GANGSTER ITS JUST NEVER EVER GONNA HAPPEN OK?

charlie; fiiinnneeeee

~~~~ bellas room ~~~~

bella; (holding a baseball bat) ohhh edward!!

edward; RAWR !!!

bella; (faints)

edward; oh. ill just be here. on this

~~~~ bella wakes up ~~~~

bella; oh

edward; soooorrrrrrrrrrrrrryyy

bella; can i have a minute to be human?

edward; youv had plenty- ooohhhh yeah

bella; (showers brushes teeth blah blah blah runs down stairs) night dad!

charlie; night bells

bella; ITS BELLA GOODBYE (runsaway)

edward; s'up

bella; (lies in bed)

edward; go to sleep

bella; fuck no i wanna get high on your sexyness

edward; you do that and ill get high on your blood

bella; 

edward; i ment the smell

bella; you do that


	15. MUFFINS!

bella; (in head) too ... tired. cant ... go ... on.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KD; you annoy me you really do i mean you only woke up and all of a sudden you cant go on in life?

NW; i think edward is hot

bella; (in head) NOOOOOO EDWARDS MINE YOU ... YOU ... YOU DINOSAUR!!!!

NW; not THAT edward. duhh edward outta JEDWARD

bella; oohhh get outta my head weird people

KD; excuse me i have been here since the beginning!!

bella; fiiinnneee you stay the other randomer can go

NW; fiiinnnneee BUT BEWARE I WILL RETURN !!!!!!!!!!!! FAREWELL!!!!!! FOREVER (dissapears)

KD; i thought she was returning?

bella; so did i. (looks up) EDWARD YOU STAYED (pounces on him)

edward; (shocked expression) yes. yes i did

bella; yayyyyy ... waiiitt a minute YOU LEFT HOW DARE YOU LEAVE!!

edward; i just got changed?

bella; NOOO your not meant to ... ever!!

edward; (gasps) what would the neighbours think!!! (hides head in shame)

bella; well they would think that me and you would have h-

edward; 

bella; ... i need a human minute

KD; why do you say it like that?

bella; (in head) erm .... i dont know?

KD; well stop it

bella; (leaves) (returns)

edward; you are back

bella; no shit sherlock (stomach rumbles)

edward; breakfast time for the human !!!

bella; (breaksdown)

edward; whats wrong?

bella; y-you s-say h-human l-like i-its a b-bad t-thing

edward; oh shutup

~~~~in the kitchen~~~~

bella; I WANT MUFFINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

edward; erm theres no muffins?

bella; I WANT MUFFINS

edward; ok ok ill get you muffins sheesh

~~~~ in a random grocery store ~~~~

edward; muffins muffins were to find them hmmm!?

107 year old lady; awww your back for me sweetpea

edward; no i am here to get muffins could you point me to the right direction?

107 year old lady; isle two third shelf from the top on your right

edward; thank you (leaves)

~~~~ back home ~~~~

bella; DO YOU HAVE MUFFINS?

edward; yes. yes i do

bella; yayy (takes a muffin and eats)

KD; why the sudden obsession with muffins?

NW; yes why bella you strange child?

bella; ok ok ok number one; the sudden obsession is because ... well muffins rock like they do and everybody loves them i mean who doesnt ?  
and number 2; i am not a strange child its not MY fault that mother of mine dropped me when i was a baby because we were in a shop. and i wanted a milkybar and she said no and i was like YES so i threw a temper tantrum and she kinda dropped me she SAID it was accidental but who really beleives her ?

NW; i give. i just give up. im going goodbye

bella; will you return?

NW; yes. yes i shall goodbye ... FOREVER!! (disappears)

edward;im gonna let you meet my family today

bella; n-no t-they h-hate m-me

KD; as explained before only ROSALIE

bella;fiinnneeee ill go

edward; yayyy

~~~~ edwards house ~~~~

bella; edward your house is fuckin awesome man !!!!!

edward; yes. yes it is

bella; hehehe

carlisle; hi

esmee; hello

bella; (hides behind edward) hi

edward; bella this is carlisle and esmee my 'addoptive' parents

bella; oh brilliant

esmee; its very nice to meet you dear

bella; (scared look)

alice; EDDWWWAAARRRDDDD

edward; WHAT ! alice?

alice; ooohhh bellsy

edward; ITS BELLA ALICE B-E-L-L-A

KD; omg hyper vampire!!

bella; hi

alice; oh you do smell good

bella; oh what a nice comment to give somebody by the way you smell nice did you know that?

alice; i find it a perfectly reasonable comment

bella; -sighs-

jasper; hiya (at the other end of the room)

bella; hi ... again

jasper; how are you (still at the other end of the room)

bella; erm uhh ok i guess

jasper; whatever (him and alice disappear)

bella; (jessica stanley voice) is that a piano is it, is it, is it?

edward; yes bella it is.

bella; who plays it?

edward; well ...

bella; (still jessica stanley voice) tell me, tell me, tell me?

edward; it doesnt matter

bella; IT FREEKIN DOES

edward; okay okay its me and rosalie but me cos im the one your talking to which makes me a part of the subjectal conversa-

bella; enough of your smart talk

edward; (plays piano) everybody likes you

bella; rosalie and emmett

edward; rosalies a stuck up two faced bitch she doesnt like anyone

bella; well emmett?

edward; emmett turned my pillow into a vampire ninja pillow so he is a weird child and he shall be left alone in the sand box

NW; to die

KD; no hes a vampire

NW; to burn then

KD; thats sad

NW; but hes sad he turns that pillow that wasnt a vampire to begin with into a vampire ninja pillow and thats sad for the pillow

KD; i agree but i think we should leave matters to their hands ive taken part in this story enough ive hit mike with a badminton racket ive tripped tyler crowley up and i was planning to put eric in a bin.

NW; fine then but once again we shall return

KD; no youll return im here all the time this is a full time job

NW; brilliant (disappears)

bella; edward why is there no coffins?

edward;i dont sleep in a coffin? in fact i dont sleep at all

bella; you. dont. sleep. GASP

edward; i told you this last week!!

bella; hmph

edward; thats rude

bella; what are you my mother?

edward; no but im well old enough to be your mother which could never happen since im a guy and im 107 and your mums like .... 45 or something?

bella; i dunno i cant remember 


	16. Carlisle Watches Inspector Gadget

~~~~ carlisles study thing ~~~~  
edward; (knocks on door)

carlisle; enter ... if you dare

edward; (walks in) carlisle have you been watching inspector gadget again?

carlisle; why yes edward yes i have GO GO GADGET ARMS ... DAMN they dont seem to work (sighs)

edward; (sighs as well)

bella; erm ... i dont like inspector gadget

KD; bella yes you do you have every episode out back in pheonix

carlisle; you. dont. like. inspector. gadget.

bella; no

carlisle; i-i j-just dont know what to say to that ill be off (leaves)

edward; ok so carlisle realised what he was he tried to commit suicide-

bella; wouldnt that make him emo now?

edward; no but it does make dr. claw from inspector gadget his idol

bella; continue

edward; so he realised he couldnt die so he swam to france

bella; yeah right

edward; he did!

bella; i didnt say he didnt

edward; but you ... never mind

bella; hehehe go on

edward; blah blah blah he was studying in italy and he met others like himself they were far more politer and educated than the others in london

bella; weirdo vampires

KD; oh yeah say that in a house full of them

bella; SHUT UP

edward; their names were aro marcus and caius he left them after a couple of decades and he decided to study medicine. so he went to chicago i was dying and i was alone i had nobody (conviniently Akon - Lonley comes on) so he went all vampire on me (huffy sigh)

~~~~ edwards room ~~~~

bella; wow too much CD's

edward; i know (evil smile)

bella; i am not scared of you

edward; take it back!

bella; no

edward; (punces) RAWWRR!!

bella; AHHH you .... MUFFIN

edward; so are you scared

bella; a bit yes

edward; (does mr. burns from the simpsons thing) excellent

bella; can i get up now?

edward; MWAHAHAHAH-

alice; can we come in

edward; ya man

alice; it sounded like you were having bella for dinner and we wanted you to share

jasper; ill go get some knives and for-

alice; i was kidding jasper

jasper; aww (disappointed face) well alice says theres a storm and emmett wants to play ball

edward; (gasps in delight)

alice; bring bella

jasper; (glares)

edward; wanna come?

bella; will i need my umbrella ... oh wait i dont have one

KD; oh living in forks youd think you would get a free umbrella when you move in

(alice and jasper leave)

edward; yayy baseball

bella; vampires.

edward; what about us?

bella; vampires. like baseball. why.

edward; american passtime

bella; carlisles british?

edward; shhhhh dont make me seem stupid


	17. DAMN YOU EDWARD!

~~~~ in the evil truck ~~~~

edward; (gay and kinda huffy voice) I. HAVE. HAD. ENOUGH. THIS. IS. CROSSING. THE. LINE.

bella; oh he didnt come to warn him did he?

edward; (irish accent) yes me dear

bella; (weird look)

edward; i shall return me dear when the evil leprecons leave but the young one doesnt know so just leave him at his own me dear

bella; whatever (gets out evil truck)

bella; (surprised tone) billy jacob! ... charlies gone for they day ... so how long yous been here?

billy; not for long

KD; you dont say very animated sentences

billy; i just wanted to bring this up

bella; thanks (opens door and they all go in)

billy; here (hands it over) you'll want to put it in the fridge its harry clearwaters home made fish fry

bella; ahh i see i was running outta new ways to cook fish i mean i roasted it i fried it i liquidised it - yes i did - i shredded it and i even mixed it in with things - things you dont wanna know - so like just thanks i guess

billy; jake why dont you get that new picture of rebecca from the car and we shall leave that for charlie too

jacob; -sighs- were is it?

billy; in the trunk

jacob; (leaves)

bella; (in head) sigh what does he want stupid indiana billy (out loud) charlies not gonna be bak for a looonnnggg time

billy; i have noticed you are spending a lot of time with one of the cullens?

bella; OMG PEDO!

billy; no why does everybody always think that?

bella; anyway your point??

billy; blah blah blah blah blah

bella; blah blah blah blah

jacob; I HAVE RETURNED MOFOS

billy; we'll be on our way

bella; bye bitches (slams door) (phones rings)

bella; hi

jessica; HELLO!!!!!

bella; oh god not you !

jessica; yes me

bella; well since your here how was the dance?

jessica; mike kissed me can you beleive it?

bella; ... no i cant hes gay?

jessica; oh im gonna go bye

bella; bye bitch (slams down phone)

charlie; heyyy mukka

bella; dad i have not changed my mind about you being gangster

charlie; fiine

bella; billy dropped some kinda fishy crap off

charlie; yayy

bella; im gonna play baseball with the cullens okay?

charlie; the cu-

bella; yes yes yes yes

charlie; why are you there?

bella; i kinda got a date tonight with edward cullen

KD; please use edweirdo or edwardo

bella; NO!

charlie; hes WAY to old for you!

bella; we are both juniors?

charlie; what ones edwin?

KD; oh another one yay

bella; hes the youngest with reddish brown hair

charlie; awk well i dont care then bye

bella; bye

~~~~ the clearing ~~~~

esme; was that you we heard edward?

emmett; yeah it sounded like a bear choking i was like oh nobody kills da bears but ME and me alone

bella; yes that was him the idiot he is

edward; (weird look)

alice; its time its time its time

jasper; (thinks) its dinner time

(thunder)

emmett; eerie isnt it oh human one?

bella; oh human one?

emmett; yup

bella; im smarter than you!

emmett; yeah right

bella; pie = 3.14 canceled down to the second decimal place!

emmett; i know that

bella; well the square root of pie is uhh

edward; 1.7725 is the value more commonly used

emmett; DAMN YOU EDWARD YOU NEVER LET ME GET THAT ONE DO YOU ? no your oooohhh sooo smart edward

esme; boys no fighting off yous go (they go) shall we go down?

bella; guess so ... you dont play with them?

esme; i referee

bella; they cheat?

KD; nooooo

esme; yes you should hear what i have to put up with one time emmett stopped the full game because apparently edward threw the ball at the speed of light and he couldnt prove it and took us to court whih we had set up out back and since he didnt have any evidence ...... the jury cancelled the debate and the jury were emmetts teddies

bella; ahh i see

esme; OKAY MORONS BATTER UP (alice throws ball which jasper catches and then she starts making i love you signs across the pitch)

bella; strike?

esme; no if they hit it its a strike and your stepfather plays this professionally?

~~~~ 15 minutes later ~~~~

alice; (frozen)

esme; alice whats wrong?

alice; (breaks down) i couldnt see ... i just couldnt tell

carlisle; whats wrong gadge- i mean alice?

alice; the other vampires who are traveling in the area are wanting to play ball ...

emmett; how many?

alice; three

emmett; three? are you serious theres seven of us excluding bella because shes human - no offense

bella; none taken

KD; i would take it if it were me

edward; im so so so so so sorry bella i had no idea

everybody; (except bella because shes too worried); GASP


	18. Alice And The Emo Corner

~~~~ Clearing ~~~~

Alice; NOOOOOOO I-I s-should h-have s-seen t-this c-coming. THATS IT I'M GOING INTO THE EMO CORNER *Goes into EMO corner*

Laurent; Hi. I am Laurent.

Cullens; HI

Laurent; This ugly Ginger person here who resembles a feline specimine is Victoria.

Cullens; HI

KD; HEY! WHAT'S WRNG WITH GINGER PEOPLE!

Laurent; And the other guy is James.

Carlisle; Hi I'm Carlisle.

L&J&V: Hi

Carlise; The big one there is Emmett. He loves his strength. As you will soon find out Emmett is rather ... Dim-witted

Emmett; *waves*

L&J&V: *wave back*

Carlisle; The blonde male is Jasper. He posseses an unusual gift. And is rather EMO.

Jasper; *sulks*

L&J&V: *sulks*

Carlisle; The Blonde female is Rosalie. She is very proud of her beauty. And she is also a stuck up bitch. She is Emmetts mate.

Rosalie; *scowls*

L&J&V: *scowls*

Carlisle; The one with the caramel-coloured hair is Esme. She is my mate.

Esme; *smiles*

L&J&V: *smiles*

Carlisle; The small Pixie-like one is Alice. She can see the future. And is currently in the EMO corner. She is Jaspers mate

Alice; i j-just d-didnt k-know

L&J&V: *weird look*

Carlisle; The one with the reddish brown hair is Edward. He can read minds. Yes, I know creepy isnt it?

Edward; S'up?

L&J&V: S'up?

Carlisle; And thats Bella OK all done now.

James; FOOOOOOOOOOOODDDD

Laurent; BAD JAMES!

Carlisle; Shes with us.

Laurent; BUT SHES HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Carlisle; So? Whats wrong with humans? Their my hommies as you can clearly see.

Edward; come on Bella *sticks tonuge out a James*

~~~~ The Jeep ~~~~

Edward; Strap her in Emmett.

Emmett; Will do, Eddie boy.

Edward; *face palm*

Bella; were are we going?

(Silence)

Bella; WERE ARE WE GOING!!!!!!

Edward; Far away.

Bella; Take me back!

Edward; no

Alice; Take her back!

Edward; NO the ugly one james is a Tracker. He wont stop untill he kills her.

Alice; Oh.

Bella; Anyone want to hear my Idea?

Everybody; NO!!!

Bella; Ok so take me back and I tell my Dad I want to go to Pheonix

Everybody; N- Thats actually quite smart ... for Bella

Bella; *Smug Smile*


	19. Smarticle Vampires

~~~~ Edward pulls up in the evil decrepit truck with spy gear on ~~~~

Edward; ... *after 10 minutes of silence* He's not here. You can go give your speech to Charlie.

Bella; Ok

Edward; (Horror movie voice) FIFTEEENNNN MIIINNUUTTEESSS

Bella; *Walks into house* GET TO FRANCE EDWARD!! *Slams door*

Charlie; ARE YOU HAVING HALLUCINATIONS AGAIN?

Bella; NO!!

Charlie; Oh, are you okay then?

Bella; NO WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE YOU IDIOT!

Charlie; What did he do?

Bella; H-he T-told m-me I w-was f-f-faaaattt

Charlie; GASP!

Bella; And the fact that i resemble a guy was uncanny

KD; That was me actually.

Bella; So, I'm going home!!!

KD; YESSSS!!!

Charlie; Have you broke up with him?

Bella; Yes.

Charlie; Please dont go home please, please, pleassseee?

Bella; NO! IF I STAY HERE ILL JUST END UP LIKE MY IDIOTIC MOTHER!

Charlie; Just wait! for another week even a day!

Bella; N-no *Runs out*

~~~~ In the -Ugh- truck ~~~~

Edward; Let me drive.

Bella; NO!

Edward; *takes wheel*

Bella; Were is the tracker

Edward; Behind us.

Bella; But we're faster so he can just get a camel and go to Arabia.

Edward; No , he's faster

Bella; NOOOOOOOOOO

*BANG*

Bella; AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Edward; It's just Emmett.

Bella; AHH- Oh

~~~~ Cullen House ~~~~

Edward; *See's Laurent* GRRRRRR

Laurent; I'm not here to eat her

Edward; Oh. Well how are you? 

Laurent; Fine *They continue their conversation*

Bella; HELLOOOOOOOOOO?

Laurent; Oh right, well I havent seen anything like James in my whole 300 years

Edward; Well I'm a super smart v-

Bella; Smarticle!

Edward; *Glares* Vampire

Bella; Yip!

Laurent; Well, this is boring. So I'll be on my way. Goodbye. *leaves*

Edward; Ok so as i said before super smartice *eyeroll* vampire

Bella; *Smiles*

Edward; So Esme and Rosalie, Swap clothes with Bella

Esme; Of course!

Rosalie; NOT WITH HER!

Esme; *Runs away with Bella*

Bella; WTF ARE YOU DOING!

Esme; Confusing the scent.

Bella; Oh. Continue.

~~~~ In the car with Alice and Jasper ~~~~

Jasper; Your wrong you know

Bella; About what emo?

Jasper; You are worth it?

KD; shes not really.


	20. Jasper Why Dont You Just Get A Haircut

Jasper; What way to the airport Bella?

Bella; GASP!

KD; GASP!

Bella; YOU SPOKE!!!!!

Jasper; Yes, yes i did.

Bella; Anyway, Stay on the I-Ten. You'll pass right by it.

KD; Weirdo emo vampire.

Bella; Are we flying somewere?

KD; NOOOO! we're just going by the airport for the lovely sights. OF COURSE WE'RE FLYING!

Alice; No. But it's good to be near ...

Bella; HAH YOU WERE WRONG HA HA HAHA HA

KD; OMG I WAS WRONG!!!! thats the first time in like ever !

~~~~ Hotel Room The Next Day ~~~~

Bella; Depression is great!!! Now I know why Jasper likes it !

Alice; Can i come in?

Bella; Yes Tinkerbell?

Alice; I'm Alice. Not Tinkerbell.

Bella; I have chosen your name to be Tinkerbell and you must live with it forever.

Alice; Whatever. *Leaves without further notice*

Bella; All aloney on my owney.

~~~~ Later when Bella Has Gotten Over Her Depression Stage And Taken To Annoying Jasper About His Hair ~~~~

Bella; Jasper why don't you get a haircut?

Jasper; For the 14th time today I do not wish to get a haircut

KD; Bella stop bullying Jasper

Alice; *Vision face*

Jasper; Whats wrong Alice?

Bella; Jasper! Don't interupt me when i am making fun of your hair!!!

Jasper; Sorry, Bella, but she's having a vision.

Alice; * Strange voice* I - I see a room. With Mirrors ... And ... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA *Uncontrolable Laughter*

Jasper+Bella; What?

Alice; The Tracker hahahaha In that room in front of the mirrors ahahahaha Listening to Justin Bieber ahahaha And trying to sing and copy him like in Baby ahahahaha

KD; And the Trackers like Maybe, Maybe, Maybe I should kill Bellaaaa Maybe, Maybe, Maybe,

*Phone Goes*

Alice; Yo Carlisle.

Carlisle; NO not you too.! Emmett has been gangster all day. I can't hack it anymore I just can't!

Bella; LET ME TALK TO EDWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alice; Oh, fine *Hands Phone Over*

Bella; Hello?

Edward; Bella Blah Blah Blah

Bella; Edward ... I have a surprise for you.

Edward; OH WHAT IS IT WHAT IS IT I LOOOVVVEEE SURPRISES!!

Bella; Do you really want to know?

Edward; YESSS!!!

Bella; Well, It's *Hangsup* MWAHAHAHA ... Alice ... You are terrible at drawing

Alice; SHUTUP! IM TRYING TO DRAW SPONGEBOB!

Bella; Oh, it looks like a Ballet Studio

Jasper; I told you Alice. The Tracker won't be at Bikini Bottom

Alice; Well, The other day I was in my room and the next I was in Narnia. So SHUSH!

Bella; It's just round the corner from my moms house

KD; Go away And eat fruit or something

Bella; Yes, Sir!

KD; IT'S MA'AM TO YOU!

Bella; Yes ma'am *Retretes*


	21. James Is Such A Nice Guy

~~~~ Hotel ~~~~

Bella; When you stay at a hotel, isnt it ment to be ... fun?

KD; Too much 'Suite Life Of Zack And Cody' for you.

Bella; Whatever. *Walks into living room*

Alice; JASPER! I'm trying to give you drawing lessons pay attention!

Bella; Did she see something?

Jasper; Yes.

Bella; What?

Jasper; If I tell you that i will have to kill you.

Bella; Daft Emo. *Looks at the drawing* NO NO NO ! THE PHONE GOES THERE NOT THERE WHAT ARE YOU THICK?

Jasper TheFrick?

Bella; Its my mothers house duhh ...

Alice; *grabs phone* Hello? Blah Blah Blah

KD; I LOVE THAT SONG!! # Stop Stop Stop talkin bout Blah Blah Blah #

Alice; Bella, Edward is coming to take you and hide for a while.

Bella; Edward. Is. Coming?

Alice; Yes.

Bella; AWWW now im in for it. Knew i shouldnt have gave him that surprise!

Alice; Deal with it.

Bella; But ... the tracker came ... for my mother

Alice; Your point?

Bella; HES GONNA KILL HER DUMBO ... oh wait I dont like her ...

Alice; Well me and Jasper shall wait here just in case he does want to kill her.

Bella; BUT I DONT LIKE HER! *storms away*

~~~~ Later in the room ~~~~

Bella; *Rocking in a ball* He is going to kill her. He is going to kill her.

KD; you do know thats what people who have something wrong with their brains do ?

Bella; I dont care!

~~~~ The Other Room ~~~~

Alice; Their just boarding the plane.

KD; Go on Bella. Dont you have something you want to say to Alice?

Bella; No

KD; I think you do.

Bella; *Mumbles* sorry

KD; what was that?

Bella; SORRY!!!! HAPPY?

KD; very

Alice; Thats Ok Bella.

Bella; Whatever. Weres Jasper?

Alice; He went to check out ... I should help him *Leaves*

*Phone goes*

Bella; Should I answer it ... hmmmmmmm

KD; Answer it ! I hate the Nokia tune!

Bella; YO BYATCH!!

James; Hello.

Bella; Who is this? Is this Russel Brand?

James; No.

Bella; Are you the Tracker?

James; YES!

Bella; Oh. Hi

James; Hi

Bella; So ... whatchaa doin?

James; Well I'm planning to kill you actually.

Bella; Any Luck?

James; No.

Bella; Shame.

James; How about you meet me and it'll make my job easier?

Bella; Will there be muffins?

James; Yes. Lots and lots of Muffins.

Bella; Cool. I shall be there!

James; Bye Bud. *Hangs up*

Bella; What a nice guy!

KD; Are you thick?

Bella; ye-

KD; Dont answer that.

Bella; Now to write a note *Writes note*

KD; *Reads note* WHAT THE HELL? "It may not work" !! it obviously wont work!

Bella; your not very supportive *Seals Envelope*


	22. JUSTIN BIEBER IS MY IDOL

Bella; Alice?

Alice; ...

Jasper; Alice?

Alice; Didnt you recognize that look!

Jasper: Erm ... No?

Alice; The Ignoring Bella Because She Is Stupid Look?

Jasper; Ohh I see

Bella; Im right here?

Alice; Erm ... Awkward moment ... Did you want breakfast?

KD; Is it not DO you want breakfast?

Bella; *Thinks* .... I will eat at the airport *In Head* James will have muffins

Alice; *Looks at Bella as if to say can you go now?*

Bella; *Backs away into the bathroom to shower*

~~~Later In The Car~~~

Bella; Alice?

Alice; ... *through clenched teeth* Yes Bella

Bella; How does it work the thing you see ? Edw-

KD; Edweirdo

Bella; -ard said things arent always certain ?

Alice; Well they arent

Bella; So ... you couldnt see James until he decided to come here?

Alice; ... *Dramatic Pause* Yes

~~~ Airport ~~~

Bella; * Hands Letter To Alice*

Alice; **

Bella; My letter?

Alice; I just DIDNT gather that much *Snatches Letter*

~~~ Later ~~~

Bella; I think I'll eat now?

Alice; I'll come, no doubt you'll try and commit suicide by jumping of a table or something

Bella; Cant Jasper come?

Jasper; *Guides Bella to a cafe*

Bella; Erm ... I must use the Ladies Room ... I'll just be a minute

Jasper; I'll be here

~~~ In Her Mothers House ~~~

James; HI! Are you alone?

Bella; Alone as I'll ever be

James; Exellence

~~~ Ballet Studio Were Justin Bieber Baby Is Playing ~~~

James; How AMAZING is this song!

Bella; huh I tihink its kind of stupid

James; YOU BITCH! HOW DARE YOU JUSTIN BIEBER IS MY IDOL I'm even getting my hair like his!

bella; I just dont like hoim that much?

James; YOU IDIOTIC CHILD!

Bella; sigh

James *Gets a Video Recorder* And We are just going to get a little tape to give to edw-

KD; Edweirdo

James; -ard of you sing Justin .... because that guy is gorgeous!

Bella; No hes not he is like sixteen?

James; SO! NOW SING *Sets The Camera To Record*

Bella; And I was like baby baby baby

James; NO ANOTHER SONG

Bella; ERM .... Cause shawty is an eenie meenie minie mo lover

James; Different!

~~~ Somewhere Justin Bieber Is ~~~

Justin; My God! Where is that evil singing coming from! my songs should not be sung by a person with a voice like that! ever

Usher; Justin calm down dude

Justin; NO! I mean What if your song senses were tingeling telling you somebody was singing your song horribly I mean whoever this is they cannot even hit any note in that song!

Usher; Sigh

~~~ Ballet Studio ~~~

Bella; THATS IT *Hits Head Of Glass And Its Smashes Because She Is So Fed Up Of Singing Every Justin Bieber Song Ever Written And Recorded* OW THAT FREAKING HURT

James; Well it would if you like to self harm?

Bella; *Faints*


	23. BELLA SHALL LIVE

Edward: BELLA! NO THIS CANNOT BE! I WILL HAVE TO COMMIT SUICIDE AND GO TO THE VOL-

Carlisle; Ed-

KD; Edweirdo

Carlisle; -ward concentrate.

Edward; I was simply planning ahead... well cant you help me carlisle? ive never actually done this before and you just stand there as if you have all the time in the world-

Carlisle; wow ... wow ... wow ... wow ... I DO have all the time in the world and yes i shall help you.

Edward; ... Well?

Carlisle; Suck the venom out dumbo?

Edward; I KNEW THAT

Bella; E-E-

Edward; BELLA, YOU SHALL LIVE! I LOVE YOU

Alice; I AM TRYING TO KILL SOMEONE HERE! KEP THE NOISE DOWN

Edward; fiiiine

Bella; Ed-

KD; Edweirdo

Bella; ward

Edward; What now?

Bella; It hurts

Edward; well its bound to hurt

Bella; MY HAND IS BURNING DO SOMETHING!

Edward; OKAY TAKE A CHILL PILL

Jasper; *Looks Up*

Edward; Go away Jasper and get a haircut

Bella; ED-

KD; Edweirdo

Bella; -WARD

KD; he's right there. He's hardly going to leave you when your his only reason for living

Bella; Ed-

KD; Edweirdo

Bella; -ward stay with me

KD; are you ignoring everything i say?

Carlisle; BELLA!

Bella; What?

Carlisle; Is the fire gone?

Bella; No,its still there i have just learned to deal with the excruciating pain- OF COURSE ITS GONE

Carlisle; WELL ... We can move her now

Bella; NO I WANT TO SLEEP

Edward; Shut up will you?

Bella; *sleeps* 


	24. Retarded Raymond

Edward; NO NO NO NO YOU IDIOT DONT TAKE IT OFF!

Bella; FINE

KD; Bella dont you have something to say to Edward.

Bella; No.

KD; Something that involves the word 'sorry'

Bella; Are you making words up again?

KD; OH FORGET IT!

Bella; Ed-

KD; Edweirdo

Bella; -ward what happened?

Edward; Well thanks to your well known idiocy I was almost too late!

Bella; BUT BUT BUT! I thought he had my mother!

Edward; I thought you didnt like her?

Bella; I dont but she has to live, because if she doesnt I wont get anymore emails. And I need to know where she got Bob. I miss him terribly, so I was thinking if I got another Bob I could name him differently. Something like ... Raymond?

Edward; NO! then he would get bullied of all the other cactuses, and they would call him Retarded Raymond.

Bella; Well I must tell my Alcoholic father and senile mother I am here.

Edward; Your senile mother is here. Alice called both of them. She will be up soon.

~~~~Later~~~~

Bella; ... Mother.

Renee; Bella! I told you you didnt have to do this! All my precautions for not planning a funeral were pointless! when I got the call i was sooooo angry! I planned a funeral! I had everything written down and then I get the call saying your going to live! I was outraged, all that planning for nothing!

Bella; WELL SORRY!

Renee; Well anyway, Phil got promoted.

Bella; Yay. And yes, mother, it wasnt ment to be enthusiastic.

Renee; And we are moving to Florida.

Bella; Will you still have to phone me?

Renne; Why would I? Youre coming homw with me?

Bella; Le sigh! NO, mother, I am not.

Renne; Le gasp! Why?

Bella; I have friends!

Renee; Bella, Dont lie.

Bella; No, really, mother, i do!

Renee; You can make new friends! I know it will be hard as you dispise human company bu-

Edward; *uncontrollable laughing spaz attack*

Bella; I must look ater Charlie! I'm trying to het him to go to Alcoholics Annonymous and everything! All our Progress shall be lost!

Renee; Fine, stay. I am leaving

Bella; Mother, before you go, where did you get Bob?

Renee; Who?

Bella; The cactus!

KD; That was destroyed!

Bella; Indeed!

Renee; The 99 Cence store *Leaves*

Bella; ... She. Got. Bob. From. 99. Cence. Store. I I I I I AM OUTRAGED!

Edward; God, here we go again!


	25. EXCELLENT!

Edward; *Dragging Bella Into The Shiny Volvo*

Bella; WERE ARE YOU TAKING ME!

Edward; * Creepy Horror Movie Voice* You shall find out in due time, my dear, due time.

KD: EWWWWWWWWWW

NW: WHAT!

KD: BELLA!

NW: Le sigh!

KD; You have returned!

NW: Indeed, I have!

KD: EXCELLENT!

NW: EXCELLENT

Justin Bieber; *In Distance* EXCELLENT!

Aston Merrygold; *In Distance* AWESOME!

KD+NW: YOU RUINED IT!

Edward; *Answers His Ringing Mobile* Hello Charlie ... Congratulations, you finally got over your drinking habit ...Oh you havent ... *Gay Voice* No Wayyy you HAVE to let me talk to him! ... Heyy Girlfrien- I mean Tyler ... Yeah I've stolen Bella and taking her to the prom... No im just gonna keep her ... NO IM NOT GAY * Slams Phone Shut*

Bella; Very well then.

KD: Think about what he just said

NW: YES! THINK FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE!

Bella; YOUR TAKING ME TO PROM!

Edward; Indeed I am.

Bella; NOOOOO IM GONNA DIEEEEEEE!

KD: Get a grip!

Edward; Alice made you look pretty

NW: Thats a first.

Edward; I must thank her!

Bella; Evil Pixie is gonna be there?

Edward; Yeah. And Jasper.

Bella; Oh, please tell me he got a haircut for this occasion?

Edward; ... No *shakes head pitifully* ... And Emmett-

Bella; Ahhh the murderer of pillows!

Edward; And Rosalie.

Bella; Oh *Look Of Pure Disgust*

Edward; *Makes Bella Dance With His Dazzeling Powers*

Jacob; *Enters And Everbody Is BLinded By His Teeth*

Edward; *Growls*

NW: BAD DOG!

Bella; Hi Jacob!

Jacob; Yo Byatch I'm takin over this shit excuse For dancin!

Edward; *Backs Away*

KD+NW: OOOHHHHHH. YOU JUST GOT TOLD!

Bella; What Do you want?

Jacob; The old home dawg, waz all like hey ill give you 20 buckz if yo go down to that prom and tell bella summin for me hommie. And i was all like yeah home dawg

Bella; What For?

Jacob; Da Home dawg want you to brake up wae dat edweirdo cullen.

Bella; .

Jacob; So I tell dat Old Dawg tae stay out ya life?

Bella; YAHH!

Jacob; Aw, cool dawg!

Edward; *musters up all his courage* H-hey j-jacob i-i'll t-take i-it f-from h-here

KD+NW: OOOHHHHHH EDWEIRDOS SCARED!

Jacob; yeah you better. im ouuta here seeya around dawg *waves*

Bella; ... Okay then ...

Edward; Ugh I mean I soooooo cant beleive hhe called you pretty!

KD+NW: Neither can we

Edward; Your beautiful

KD+NW: EWWWWWW dont lie

Edward; *goes to kiss Bella*

Mike; *Throws Cookie* I. AM. A. REBEEELLLLLLL.

I dont own anything. Except KD and NW.  
Reviews? ~ Thankyouu 


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